Revolutionary Road

The DVD was damaged in some parts so I was not able to see the movie in its entirety. My eyes fluttered in the first 15 minutes as I was tired after working till evening and making dinner with friends. I planned on seeing the rest of it the next day. I woke up with a new layout for the new bedroom I have in my new apartment (Yes, all things seem to be new). I played the movie to where it stopped last night. The dialogue and the acting grew on me, as I listened to every word, pace, hand movement, facial expression, wardrobe, retro memorabilia, and the "hopeless emptiness" spinning and stirring between the characters of Kate Winslet and Leonardo Dicaprio. It was very good. They were very good.

Hopeless emptiness.

That's what everyone has been living for including myself! I can't believe my life is being projected by Hollywood's biggest stars on the screen of my laptop, as if every scene is laid out in advance without me predicting it, because I already know it, I already live it, I already feel it. "People need bigger houses so they can stay in the job they hate for the rest of their lives."

Heartbreaking. Soul grinding.

"You want out huh?"
"No, I want in."

She was living outside, on somebody else's idea and expectation of how her life should be. She wants in this time. In her life, in her dreams, in her expectations, in her true Self.

The DVD player skipped again because of damaged parts in the disc. I will rent the movie again and see it to the end. But I already got the message. I will not live for retirement, I will live my life now, and not stay in the job I hate for the rest of my life. I will not waste the remaining 30 years investing on a mortgage while working for the money, and putting my dreams in cold storage rooms I rent and pay for. When one retires, he has a good 10 or 15 years to enjoy weaker lungs and legs, poorer circulation and eyesight, senility and flabby skin, wheelchairs and canes, hospital tours and medical field trips, dentures and sluggish appetite, sloppy sex drives and weaker biceps, 30 miles an hour driving and chronic back pains, a handful of pills a couple times a day, bad hearing and tunnel vision, the list goes on and on. Is this what we are living for, and investing our youth, our strength, our heart, and our genius on?

When we retire, and we close our eyes for our last goodbye, we will never have the chance to live the life we wanted and dreamed of since we were 7 or 12 years old.

There are only two paths we can take in this life. One road is preset, prepackaged, premixed, prepared, and pressured by society, tradition, and other people's expectations. It is very comfortable, happy, secure, safe, solid, dependable, etc. Until it crashes and burns.

Then there's Revolutionary Road.