Suddenly, I find myself staying inside the house on my days off not wanting to do anything but sleep, eat, and watch Youtube videos.
I don't know if that's a sign of contentment or laziness, depression or boredom, apathy or lack of inspiration. I have a good life: a stable income, a house, a car, a sound body, a few good friends, hobbies I enjoy doing and getting good at, and yet I still feel lethargic, jaded, unexcited, neutral, and blank inside. Nothing appeals to me anymore. Nothing excites me at all. If life begins of 40, then this could be a terribly long journey and it's only the first month of the new year.
I'm not sad or lonely, I just feel like there's nothing more to life than just eating, sleeping, and eventually dying. Some overachievers wake up with adrenaline pumping their brains to achieve superman status. They work harder each day with these goals in mind - more money, a promotion, a bigger house, fame, and greater purchasing powers. Conversely, some minimalist followers wake up meditating, sipping wellness tea, and want nothing but peace of mind to achieve nirvana. They work less everyday with no expectations - just live in the moment, and live in the truth that everything will be alright.
Whatever you are doing, I challenge you to ask yourself the question "What for?".
I challenge you to take this issue the farthest you can, and really seek the answer as truthfully and seriously as can be. What are all of man's achievements for when, on his deathbed, he will lose it all? Why are we here if we will just pass away into an unknown bliss when our hearts stop beating?
It's not like I've achieved so much or have gained the most out of my existence, but this is actually the very challenge I am facing right now: Why would I want to live my life chasing after goals and dreams if one day it will all be over? Why should I taste and see the world and it's wonders, when in death I won't even remember all of these no more? The high moments of yesterday's superbowl game, your friend's Bachelor party, skydiving for the first time, swimming in a cage surrounded by sharks, flying to the moon and back, etc., etc., etc., are all over and today you are back at your desk at work. Yes it was a lot of fun doing them, and you've learned more and seen more, but you only end up wanting for more because the truth is, you will never be satisfied.
People say you are given talents and skills so you can be the best you can be, and that if you don't use them the good Lord will take them away. The good Lord will TAKE YOU AWAY one fine day, and that is a guarantee. I am not being ungrateful or pessimisitic, I am simply trying to make sense of my existence, and finding a means to go about my life without struggle and chaos for me and those I love. Yes, the potential and the possibilities are infinite, but life is short so why bother?
Maybe life does begin at 40. The life of realizing that nothing really matters since life goes on and on, and we are merely a part of the process, the cycle, and the never ending evolution of a cosmic universe. Nobody knows when everything ends, as nobody really has the definite pragmatic evidence how it all began. For now we will entertain ourselves with myths and legends, dreams and aspirations, ambitions and undertakings.
Just enjoy the ride and expect nothing when it ends. Or do nothing and expect nothing when it ends.
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