It seems like everyone at work is really nice and caring. Perhaps it's because we care for very sick people almost every day. Since I started last November, I have seen three patients die, and the reactions from family members almost always bring me to tears. It breaks my heart to see and hear people say goodbye to their loved ones for the last time. One woman told her husband before we had to take him off life support, "I'm going to miss you my love." I held my heart there for a second, as if it skipped a beat. Yes, this man was the love of her life. And she is going to miss him for as long as she lives.
It touches me to actually see the staff give their best to save the life of a dying patient. It is not only because we are being paid to do so, but moreso because we care about people, and we want them to be with their loved ones as much as they can. Even in the most critical medical situations, the human heart of sympathy and caring goes beyond what medicine cannot do, and that becomes evident before, during, and after patient care for the dying. It is a harrowing experience to see a patient die and witness their loved ones groan in utter loss and desperation. The sadness floods the room, and extends to my very own soul, my eyes cannot carry its weight. I know how it feels to lose a loved one twice, I cannot only imagine it, I can literally feel it every time it happens.
I am starting to appreciate my job for what it is worth. This may be a place where death is a constant visitor, but this is also where Love reigns and is able to manifest itself in its purest form. It is a very strange time and place, and I would like to think of it as the anteroom that leads to our spiritual home. Every patient and family member lives as if it were their last, and this energy radiates to everyone in the room whether they know it or not. The ICU is a place that gives people the chance to live some more, give some more, love some more. Outside, everyone else is pre-occupied with getting more money, more clothes, more mansions.
I am not the most talked about person in pop culture today nor am I the richest man alive, but I've lived my very best during the last four days of my sister in her hospital bed, when I called her almost everyday for two months since her diagnosis, when I sang songs and prayed with her during those long dark nights, when I held her hand for the last 5 minutes of her life. I've lived my very best each time I called Tatay at home and wrote him loving messages on special cards I made myself when he was still alive, when I told him how simple and hardworking a father he is, when I suggested he took care of his health so he can see his grandchildren grow up and share his life with them. This is the best life I know, I have lived and experienced the greatest Love of all. By God's amazing grace.
The chorus in Times Like These by the Foo Fighters goes like this:
It’s times like these you learn to live again.
It’s times like these you give and give again.
It’s times like these you learn to love again.
It’s times like these time and time again.
NOW is the time to live, to give, to learn, to love. This new year and for the rest of our lives, let us treat people and loved ones as if it were their last, not ours. Let us share the Love that brought us here, that keeps us here, that leads us Home to our Heavenly Father.
The love of God be ours to keep and give to one another this year and beyond.
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